parenting matters
Where was I? O yes, last night my blogging attempt was interrupted, yet again. Maeve and Pete came in , and it was nearly midnight. Pete, Maeve's boyfriend, is 20 today. At midnight I gave him his card. Then he asked if someone could help him find his dad on the internet.
He has never been in touch with his dad, who left before he was born. His mum had told him his name and a few details of his work. Well, we found him. And even a picture, and an email address. He is not that far away either. He said he was going to send him an email telling him he exists. I haven't seen him all day, so I don't know if he's done it yet.
There is a birthday cake and some presents sitting on the kitchen table. He went to his mum for a Sunday roast. His mum is always trying to get him to go over there to eat meat. He has an uncomfortable relationship with his mother, as I did at that age. And he feels abandoned by his dad.
This is exactly why I made all that effort to keep in touch with Maeve's dad, even though he made it as difficult as possible, and moved to a different country. I just didn't want her to grow up and then wonder who he was and why he had disappeared.
posted by Rosie @ 23:41
3 Comments:
I hope it goes well for him.
You have to weigh everything up, though, making decisions like whether to keep in touch or not. If the other parent (and their new partner) insists on making life impossible for you and the children and is deliberately constantly disruptive to the extent the children aren't happy at all and don't want to see them, there's a good case for saying "let's leave it for now."
My mother persevered with our weekly visits to our dad even though we didn't want them, so that she could have some time off us. We just wanted to stay at home and avoid the aggro. My kids are definitely happier now that we're avoiding the aggro with their dad.
Yes, I agree, Gill. In retrospect I am not sure whether I did make the right decision, as it was quite disruptive for me and her to maintain contact on his terms and never to my convenience. I didn't realise till she was older that she didnt really like going and he wasnt looking after her very well, either. But, you just do what you think is right at the time, and at least she knows who he is now, even if she doesnt like him that much. I suppose I am just finding out what it could have been like if I had broken the ties completely.
By the way, the email (to Pete's dad) has not got through. I am wondering if he will maintain this interest (which seems to have been sparked by his birthday) and write a letter.
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